Living vicariously through myself

24 hours from now, I'll probably be asleep in a bed in Indianapolis -- the first night of what will be hundreds, if not thousands in the Hoosier State. People keep asking me if I'm excited about the new job, and I really don't have a great answer. Yes, I'm a little excited, but I'm also a little scared, and that's the feeling that tends to win out, because it can manifest itself in so many irrational ways. I've gotten scared of the following (among other things):

• Scared I won't have enough money
• Scared I won't know anyone
• Scared I have less chance of finding a girlfriend / potential mate
• Scared I am beginning in too big a market
• Scared I'll let down my boss, who took a chance in even hiring me
• Scared of the geography

None of these make a ton of sense, and you can easily reason your way out of almost any of them, but more than anything, they're all fears of the unknown. If I survive the first two to three weeks, the rest should be easy. It's that first part that's the catch.

Also, starting Friday, I will not have internet access at home until at least Dec. 2. So if I'm deliquent in answering e-mail, there's a good reason why. Calling would be best -- and appreciated...

Feel free to post any question of me you'd like answered. I'll do my best to be honest. Let's say this: If I'm not being completely honest, it'll be obvious...yeah, that's the ticket... Still, there are not a ton of things that are civilized to ask that I won't answer. So keep it civil, please.

Every day it becomes a little more real that I now have less than 2 weeks left until I begin my job in Indianapolis. Today I began packing and talking about the things I'm going to need to buy. Tomorrow I will go to Kohl's for their big sale and look for things like a blender, a George Foreman grill, a can opener and perhaps other small appliances. The boxes will begin to pile up in the house and I'll continue tearing down the room it's taken me years to build up. Along with this, Sarah and Amanda will continue to try to spend my money on things that I may or may not need. Remind me not to loan them my debit card at any point.

I finally got my master's degree in the mail from Northwestern today. It was then that it finally hit me that I have a master's and it has meant something to prospective employers. The whole thing made me smile.

Also, I got bored this afternoon and decided to follow my mother's directive to eat the apples in the house and made an apple cobbler. Just think, if this whole radio thing doesn't work out, I could be a housewife!

Well, the job situation finally worked itself out -- and about as well as it possibly could have. Starting November 29, I will be an afternoon wire service editor and mid-day anchor at Network Indiana / WIBC in downtown Indianapolis. The pay isn't bad, the benefits are exemplary and it's a top 30 market. Also, it's really moved up a timetable for getting to be on-air in Chicago, if that's what I eventually decide to do. There's really no middle men any more -- I'll always work in a big market, if I want. It's a nice luxury to have.

So now I have a few things left to do:
1. Find an apartment in Indy.
2. Get packed.
3. Buy dinner for the duplex folks at DePauw


And one other thing, as of today: PLAY HALO 2!!!!!!!

Ok, guys, this is real simple:

1. You're NOT better off now than you were 4 years ago, and at this rate, you certainly won't be after 4 more.

2. Voting for George Bush should be equated with the people of Iraq "voting" for Saddam Hussein. So you like third world labor conditions? You like having your middle class that sets you apart from the rest of the civilized world winnowed down? You got your wish.

3. I understand you're all for freedom and opportunity for all. Just remember that opportunity for all means having your job outsourced to people in India and Mexico who do your job better than you do, and will do it for less because they have a REAL appreciation for opportunity.

4. So you like the idea of moral values, huh? Like an amendment banning gay marriage? So homosexuals do not deserve the same opportunity that you're willing to afford people who do not even pay the taxes in this country to support the economy? I'd like just once to see you say that to the face of the next gay person you meet. Chances are you might not even know who they were. I really hope you all make some snide comment at the water cooler and the person standing across from you comes out to you right then and there. While we've made progress, it still takes a lot more courage to be openly gay in America than it does to renounce those who are.

5. And another thing about the economy -- you've obviously forgotten the entire Reagan administration, haven't you? Dick Cheney said "Reagan proved defecits don't matter." And he's right. When you're employed at the highest levels of government and have a guaranteed six-figure salary and have your hands on the purse strings of the average tax-paying, gas and milk-buying American, defecits do not matter to you. Odds are you don't even know what a gallon of milk costs, because your servants purchase it for you and pour glasses of it for your prep-school educated children. But for the other 95 percent of us, it ought to matter. But you voted for Bush. So when you lose your generations-old family farm in Nebraska because your farm subsidies were not enough to cover the cost of owning the land AND putting food on the table AND sending your children to school, please do not come crying to me.

After all, I hear there are lots of jobs in India.

The more I watch Barack Obama, the more I realize he's appealing for several interesting reasons.

He's part rock star, part Ivy Leaguer and part family man -- he appeals to everyone for a different reason. Morally, he's clean as can be. He appeals to young minorities as much as he appeals to old white men. And you get the feeling he listens to Jay-Z as much as he listens to J.S. Bach. He ended his speech tonight by saying "Thank you Illinois, we love you!"

Moreover, I saw a very telling sight on TV with respect to the Keyes campaign and Republicans in general: As NBC-5 was declaring that Alan Keyes had been trounced, they went to field reporter Don Lemon at Keyes headquarters. Behind Lemon were many Keyes suppoters, still making noise. One of them was right in the middle of the screen vehemently waving a sign...that was upside down. Very Republican of them -- loud and proud even when they're obviously wrong.

It occurs to me what the best outcome is in this election: Kerry wins the election by virtue of electoral votes, but Bush wins the popular vote (by as wide a margin as possible). A Republican-leaning Supreme Court with 2-3 justices ready to retire wants to make a statement and makes some decision signifying to Congress that they'd uphold a law that eliminates the Electoral College completely for every election hereafter (forced, of course, to grandfather Kerry into office). Kerry in office and no Electoral College would make this maybe the best election ever. It won't happen, but one can hope...

I went and voted for the first time today. It's a good feeling, but as I watch election results come in, I can't help but wonder if my having a job under the next administration will make who's actually in the White House mean more to me than the last 4 years as a student.

I guess it probably won't be decided for a week, as I'm sure some races will be too close to call and will invoke a now-mandatory (and automatic) recount. Still, what DOES it mean to me when it's all over?

I've never made or spent more than about $7,000 in a year, I don't think (not counting loan monies). If I get a job making $25-30,000 per year, what does that mean for me tax-wise? What about terrorism? Will the occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania mean more or less personal freedom in the face of a war on terrorism that doesn't exist (how can you fight a CONCEPT? It's like me saying I'm fighting a war on Libertarianism)? I really don't know.

Frankly, the country exists in such a way that it doesn't matter who's in the White House, because candidates typically are so close to the center that it's hard to tell them apart. This year, the base beliefs of the two are substantially different, but there's only so much political leeway any president has, due to political pressure. No one is bigger than the party, and so you can't do whatever you want.

So does it matter? It matters a little to my happiness, more than anything, and that's why I voted. I felt strongly AGAINST Bush (who I REFUSE to refer to as "mister" or "President Bush" every time I refer to him. I'm smarter than he is -- he should call ME "mister"!) and felt Kerry was much more correct on a couple issues that just made sense.

And now we sit, wait and wonder...